My retreat is based on "Lazy Day" of Thich Nhat Hanh, a famous Vietnamese Buddhist monk. It's basically a day that you practice being instead of doing, no rigorous ritual, no complicated books, just relax and be. I listened to music and colored and wrote and played cards and meditated. That was pretty much my retreat. And it was amazing.
I came to realization of how important freedom was to love. For sometime now, I feel guilty that I couldn't feel the love for my mother when I feel suffocated by my mother's drama and attachment. I realized I couldn't feel the love because I didn't feel free. Through meditation, I learned the wise wisdom that I had had my freedom all along, I just didn't accept my reality and thus resisted. Just this realization alone was worth my alone retreat!
When I looked up the shamanic meaning of tortoise, it's a totem for treasure and guidance. It supports the energy of meditation and tortoise is the animal magic for vision and manifestation.
What a great honor to receive such gift and message from Gaia. It rained hard when I ran out of the park and got to my car. As I was driving out the long exit, I was gifted another incredible gift from generous nature. A deer and a white spotted fawn stopped for a minute and crossed the street right in front of my car in the rain. Such speed and grace! They met up with another deer in a small tall grass area on my driver's side and I stopped the car, kept trying to steal glances at them. The most amazing thing it, the deer turn around and from the tall grass, stared back at me. In the rain and my frantic wonder, I fumbled and failed capturing a picture. I gave up and looked at the deer. A second later, two cars with head lights on came up behind me. I stole one last look at the spot but the deer and the fawn were gone without a trace. I put my car in motion and drove off, feeling amazed the whole way back.