through a break up with my fiancé and I’ve been focused on my own spiritual journey.
Why did I break up with a perfectly good guy? Because he’s not for me.
My ex is a sweet guy. We met and enjoyed each other company in each hang out. At the time, graduate
school just started for me and I never expected to be in a relationship as I wanted to focus in school.
However, I got bored quickly and was looking for a great friend in this new town. I met my ex and he
was the sweetest guy I’ve known. So we hung out a few times. Then, I had a moment of “wait, stop, I’m
not sure” but I brushed it off and dived into a romantic relationship.
Over the years, everything was fine. But things weren’t great. I always wondered what the feeling of
being madly in love would be like. There was nothing major wrong with my relationship. I did everything
a great girlfriend would do. Watching football games, cooking, cleaning, supporting, etc. However, I had
moments when I just felt like being a mother. According to my wiser girlfriends, women often felt that
way but I thought I felt it more often than I should. I constantly pushed him to do better things, I
mentioned how I liked things done and be in certain ways. My fiancé was in no rush of getting them
done but he took the idea.
A year into our relationship, I grew restless and consulted my trusty cards. They showed positive cards
but they also showed me alone. It was quite odd. Then, a wise woman asked me whether I wasn’t sure or I was wondering, were my feelings fair compared to what I received from him? The question stuck with me
until this day.
When I was a little kid, I had the luck of making a soul connection with my cousin and we could talk all
night long. We drifted apart with our own life after my family moved away. However, the feeling of
being at ease and peaceful in the present I experienced with my cousin struck a chord in me and I wanted
to have that with my life partner. With my ex, I wasn’t completely satisfied as I was pushing him for
things. I didn’t have the all night long conversations about nothing that I craved. Don’t get me wrong, we
had respectful communications but pouring your hearts out and talking about nothing for hours wasn’t
I grew more restless. And eventually, I realized I was playing the nurturing role more than a romantic
partner. I realized it was not fair for him to keep being pushed by me, to have the sub-par love from me.
Getting along well isn’t enough In my book. So painfully, I broke things off. It hurt. It suck (yes, even to
the one that do the initiative). But you know what, I’m happier, I’m more at peace with myself. I wasn’t
wondering, I wasn’t feeling unsure. I wasn’t yearning and wishing for more from my partner.
At first, I regretted hurting him. But as time went on, I stopped all regrets. We were honest with each
other. We had good memories. I did love and genuinely care about him. I still do. I just wasn’t in love.
Moreover, it’s not fair to the other person if I have to push him to do things or trying to be better. I
believe in loving someone and accepting someone as they are. By constantly pushing my ex, in a way, I
was trying to change him and that was not okay in my book. So, breaking things off amicably was the
right thing to do for both of us. We deserve to be loved the way we want. I wish him the best in life and I
sincerely believe he deserves someone that loves him the most, just the way he is.
So, from my personal experiences, I hope you can learn from me. As cliché as it sounds, don’t settle for a
comfortable relationship. Believe in yourself, respect others, and realize that everyone deserves to be
loved completely. If you can’t love the person the way you want to be loved, treasure your memories,
wish them the best and respectfully let them go. A guy can be sweet and generally great guy and you
can be okay with that. But feelings aren’t to be ignored. There should always be a balance. Don’t go for
an asshole that you’re attracted to but don’t stay with a great guy just because he’s good. Love yourself,
be comfortable in your own skin and go for the one who is both great and able to make your heart sing.